Its As Easy As 123

I got two submissions for the three people who may or may not be reading this. First comes from some dude named Gilbert, and the Second from a friend who we will call "Jack".



La Pregunta Número Uno:

Howdy!

Just wanted to get your viewpoints - opinions on the passing of Michael Jackson: Like him? Hate him? Musical Icon? Creepy child molester? Genius? Lunatic? Did you have a favorite song? You ever see him perform live?

I'm gonna put together a page on the website regarding what people here in the Las Vegas music scene had to say about him. Should be posted on Tuesday, so answer back ASAP, OK?

Thanks!

Gilbert


Reply:
Yo Gilbert, What Up? So I've been bored and tired today since I had to get up and make a trip to the airport at 6 this morning, so I've been lounging around cruising the television and it seems that about 65-78% of the channels were reporting about Michael Jackson's death. Now the guy had some great songs, can't deny that, but he was also brought to court twice for child molestation and who can forget the wonderful dangling baby incident. I'm sick of hearing about it and honestly I think he killed himself. Most likely by taking too many pain pills or something to the likes of. So all I have to say about his death is I'm fuckin over it, lets move on, he was no Steve Irwin and that's for damn sure.
Thanks,
Mike



La Pregunta Número Dos:

"Yo this guy has all the answers. So how do I get a lap dance for free?"
from
"Jack"


Reply:
Dear "Jack"
There are a coupe of ways to get a free lap dance, all with a central theme. That theme is, Now everyone say it with me, DECEPTION. If you are up in the club and want to get a free dance you must have a wing man or at least be super confident cause you will have to act your ass off. It will involve working the sympathy angle, best option in my book is act mentally retarded or handicapped if the materials are granted. Have a buddy talk to the stripper for you and make up some BS about a birthday or somethin, I think you know how this is going. Another way is to find some skank ass ho and take her home. Maybe you can tell her your some big shot or something, it definitely helps if she is, how do I say, Stupid. Have her do a little show for you and bango tango lap dance for free. Or you can always pull the classic dine and ditch but maybe for the occasion we'll call it dance and prance. And one last option is to throw up on the ho while giving you the dance, and while she's throwing a hissy fit about being puked on, grab the money out of her ass crack, put it in your sock,(hidden and protected) and then count your money after the bouncer throws your ass out. This last option may be the best bet since it has the opportunity for you to actually make money. Just be sure to take off quickly when ejected.
Skeet Skeet Skeet,
Mike

Also: Joke of the Millennium goes to a buddy named "Dave" who said this maybe 8 or 9 years ago.
"What do Acne and Michael Jackson have in common?"

Wait For It


Hold


Wait For It

"They both wait till your Thirteen to come all over your face"

Genius

Once again please send all inquiries to MikeHasTheAnswer@gmail.com
Thank you for your time.

Junk Mail Never Saw This Coming

> From: markcole@extentionsofnadias.net
> Subject: Hello
> Date: Sat, 20 Jun 2009 19:10:33 +0100
>
> MY NAME IS PASTOR MARK COLE,AM ON A CHRISTIAN MISSION,WE HAVE A FEMALE TEA YORKSHIRE TERRIER WHICH WE CAME ALONG WITH,WE FOUND OUT THAT THE WEATHER OVER THERE IS BAD FOR THEM,WE DO NOT WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE OUR REAL BABIES AND WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SPEND MUCH TIME AS WE DO WITH THEM BEFORE AND WE WILL NOT ABLE TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM THE WAY WE ALWAYS DO BECAUSE OF OUR JOB ON THE CHRISTIAN MISSION OUT OF THE COUNTRY. THEY ARE HOME RAISED,HOUSE BROKEN,VACCINES& HEALTH GUARANTEE.WE NEED A SOMEONE TO ADOPT THEM AND TAKE CARE OF HER FOREVER THE WAY WE ALWAYS DO,WE DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE US TO GET BACK,SO IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ADOPT HER TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER FOR EVER,I WILL SEND YOU REPLY YOU WITH HER PICTURES. I HOPE TO READ
> FROM YOU. REMAIN BLESSED.
> Contact me for more details:
> Warmest Regards,
> MARK COLE




My Reply

Hey Mark,
Thanks you for thinking of me out of everyone in the whole wide world to be the one that helps these innocent little pups out. Unfortunately I have some bad news, I can not live, take care of, or just plain be around anything of old Yorkshire Heritage. Being Born in New York I detest all things that are of Old York, I mean they are pretty much the butt of every joke back in the neighborhood.
Things like how many Old Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three, one old yorker to screw it in and two old yorkers to form a parliament about it. Once again I wish I could help.
Better Luck Next Time
Mike
P.S. Thanks for typing in all Caps, I really appreciated it.

(If by some magical way I get a response from this guy you can bet your bottom dollar its gonna be up here and replied to again.)



Also I asked myself a question:
Dear Mike How do you play the octave lead for machine head on guitar?

Reply
Good question mike. I searched the magical internet and came up with this
E|--------------------------------------|
B|--------------------------------------|
G|--6--6--8--8--8--9--11-11-11-XX-----|
D|--X--X--X--X--X--X--X--X--X--XX----|x10
A|--4--4--6--6--6--7--9--9--9--XX-----|
E|--------------------------------------|

Have Fun Rocking out
Mike

So, Here It Is

Welcome to the beginning of a beautiful friendship. This place is mainly for you, so start writing in. It can be anything from "What type of drill bit to use on tile?" to "What color should I paint my car?" OR even ask me a question like which is better Starship Troopers or Star Trek, which everybody knows its hands down Starship Troopers.


Those who know me know I won't B.S. an answer but those who may not will soon find out. I'm not here to make you feel better about yourself I'm here to give you the truth and maybe a reality check or maybe just make you laugh, who knows, it all depends on your end of the bargain.


So start writing questions to

MikeHasTheAnswer@gmail.com


Have a Good One,

Mike