Crabcore. More Like Crapcore

Advice for a lifetime. Don't. Be. In. A. Band. Like. This.

Now this "crabcore" stuff is quite amusing and sometimes downright hilarious which would be cool if I thought they were joking, but unfortunately I think they mean business. And I thought that the musical scene couldn't get any worse. Well I was obviously wrong. It's funny if you turn the sound off on the video and read the ridiculousness of this bullshit. It's like watching a bunch of dudes trying to take a crap on an imaginary toilet. I think the highlight of the video for me is the guitar swing woooo, it's about a minute in. I also like how the fat ass singer can't get down low enough in his tight ass pants to encompass the full crab essence, what a hack. The singer guy also looks a bit like Chris Farley in the van down by the river sketch when he flails his arms around. I wonder if they get bonus points if they can touch their asses to the ground. Unfortunately auto-tune can't change you into less of a bunch of douche bags. I don't know if my laughter is true or just covering up my tears.

The following has been lifted from a site that I have linked at the bottom of the post. Enjoy.

Crabcore is a contemporary offshoot from the emocore/screamo sub-genre of hard rock music. Unlike almost all other genres and sub-genres of music, crabcore is defined not by aural motifs, tones, lyrical content, or specific instrument ensembles; but rather by physical gesticulations and contortions of the arms and legs of individual band members during live performances of their music.
black t-shirt and has a dyed-black sideways haircut.





Crabcore moves
Chiefly among the crabcore musician's repertoire of stylistic gestures is the crabwalk itself, from which the genre's title is derived. The crabwalk is identified by the player's extremely low stance, wherein both feet are set apart from one another as far as possible, while still allowing the player to maintain at least a 90 degree bend in his knees. While in the crab stance, the player then purposefully transfers the weight of his upper body between each leg, achieving a swaying motion intended to have a hypnotic effect among audience members.
Other moves available to crabcore players include;

The 'Richardson Richardson'.
'Krinking'
The 'Beaver Bounce'
The 'Dirty Hamper'
The 'Pestal Press'

Another, somewhat controversial move has gained a foothold in crabcore circles recently, which sees the player simply standing in one spot and running in place. No one understands this move. No one.

The most instantly recognizable signifier of a band within the crabcore oeuvre is the presence of an Arch Cancerped (literally translated; 'chief crabwalker'). The Arch Cancerped (or ACP) is an individual member of the band whose duty it is to set the speed, intensity, and depth of the crabwalk in a given piece of music. Much like the conductor of a symphony orchestra. Typically the ACP wears a black t-shirt and has a dyed-black sideways haircut.

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2009/06/more-on-attack-attack-crabcore-explained.html


I never said it would be simple.
So, congratulations on sinking heavy music to a new low.
Mike

MikeHasTheAnswer@gmail.com
Thank you for your time